Evil Women: PART 4 by Lady Venom
by Mark 'Manix' Odell
Summary: This has been uploaded on her behalf, it's part 4 to her great story; you'll enjoy it, trust me ^_~ In it, stuff just keeps getting funnier for Chris and Jill :D


A/N: I just want to thank everyone for the positive reviews! They mean a lot to me and keep me going! (  
  
DISCLAIMER: I don't own anything! …But you wait, one day I will ;) J/K oh, but The Microsonic 3000 is mine…and if someone's already named a microwave after that then…I didn't know so don't throw a lawsuit at me!  
  
  
  
'Chris will you shut up?!' Jill screeched and for the twentieth time, smacking Chris in the face with the couches pillow.  
  
'But Jill…this is torture come on!' he whined.  
  
'No its not,' Jill argued.  
  
'Yes, it is! This is the cheesiest, dumbest movie I have ever seen in my life!'  
  
'Well, we watched The Matrix so now it's my turn!' Jill screamed back.  
  
'Well, cha 'err!' Chris screamed and sat back, pouting, 'I didn't even get to enjoy that movie cause I had to watch my OWN girlfriend drool over some guy she can never have,' he muttered.  
  
Jill rolled her eyes.  
  
'For Christ's sake Chris, you do the same thing whenever that damn Shakira music video comes on. Damn, you think I drool over Keaneau Reeves? I have to have a bucket handy for every time you watch it,' Jill fired back.  
  
Chris made some indistinguishable sounds and sat back.  
  
'I still think this is a dumb movie.'  
  
'Chris, you don't even know what movie we're watching,' Jill said angrily.  
  
Chris threw his arms up in the air over dramatically.  
  
'All your movies are the same! Kiss, kiss, hug hug, die die, cry cry, there's no difference!'  
  
'FINE! WE WONT WATCH IT THEN!' Jill screamed, then plopped onto the couch, folding her arms. She looked over at Chris and he stared at her in return. Suddenly he smiled rather stupidly.  
  
'Uh, what movie did you have in mind?' he asked, while rubbing the back of his head.  
  
Jill snorted and turned away.  
  
'I'm not going to tell you…. do you want to watch it or not?' she asked, slowly turning around again, this time a sly smile spreading across her face.  
  
'Well…I'm not sure. I mean, if your not going to tell me…' Chris muttered while rubbing his chin quite comically. Jill punched him in the arm playfully then got up and picked out the movie and popped it into the VCR.  
  
'Right.' She said while sitting down on the couch and cuddling up to Chris, 'I think you'll enjoy this movie immensely.'  
  
Chris nodded and pulled Jill closer to him and watched all the 'junk' at the beginning and then the movie began…old style pictures…circus music…a young boy making his brother make him a paper boat…. then the young boy playing out in the rain until his boat went down a street drain…then a scratchy creepy voice from bellow….  
  
'Well, my names Pennywise, now we aren't strangers now are we?' the TV said.  
  
'AH!!' Chris screamed, jumping about ten feet in the air. He then turned to Jill, 'anything but IT! I HATE clowns!! And you know that Jill! I cant believe you!'  
  
Jill just smirked and pulled Chris closer to her, bringing her lips to his ear, and in perfect unison with the movie she said 'we all float down here.'  
  
'JESUS JILL!' Chris screamed then got up and stopped the movie, ' we are NOT watching this movie.'  
  
Jill rolled her eyes.  
  
'No, of course not. You can deal with oodles of zombies and Umbrella bastards but put a clown in your way? Woo hee, your run like a dog with his tail between his legs.'  
  
'Ouch baby, very ouch,' Chris muttered.  
  
Jill rolled her eyes.  
  
'I mean, what would you have done if you had come face to face with a zombie clown? And I'm sure if your little secret had ever gotten out to Umbrella they would have tossed the Nemesis project and made it the 'Killer Clowns Sent To Kill Chris' project. Good thing they didn't, cause we would have been goners.'  
  
Chris stomped his foot and growled at Jill.  
  
'No, that would not have happened…if they had sent a killer clown after me…I'd…I'd have fought it thank you very much,' he said through clenched teeth.  
  
'Suuuure,' Jill teased.  
  
'Oh, now you're going down,' Chris said then jumped Jill, playfully tickling her. Between her screams, Jill was able to tickle Chris in return. The two of them rolled around on the floor, wrestling and tickling like mad until it got to the point where she was on top of him and he was in tears from the tickling.  
  
'Enough! Eeeeenough!' Chris screamed. Jill stopped and leaned down, kissing Chris on the nose.  
  
'Your such a pansy,' she giggled and then rolled off of him.  
  
'Hey I said enough, not get off me,' Chris said, purring.  
  
'Oh please Chris, you don't seriously expect me to take you right here and now,' Jill mused.  
  
'And if I am…?' Chris asked.  
  
Jill tilted her head o the side, and looked as if she was in thought.  
  
'Then I'd have to go….'Jill said, slowly crawling towards him.  
  
'Yes, yes?' Chris asked, biting his lower lip in anticipation.  
  
'…. Get something to eat,' Jill said, laughing from the look on Chris's face as she left the room. Oh, the sheer look of disappointment and incomprehension. It was almost he didn't understand why she had said no.  
  
'He seems to think he's this hot stud…sure, he's good looking but that doesn't cover the goofiness to him,' Jill thought, smiling as she took out a cold slice of pizza and a coke.  
  
'Chris Hun, you want something to eat?' she called from the kitchen.  
  
'No, I'm trying to deal with the pain I'm feeling right now,' he called back.  
  
'Oh? And what pain would that be?'  
  
'My pride!' he whined back.  
  
Jill found herself chuckling madly, and then walked back into the living room, handing the broken, self-pitying Chris a slice of pizza.  
  
'Its cold,' he muttered.  
  
'Well, I would be able to heat it up, but SOMEONE took a hammer to my microwave,' Jill growled.  
  
'Oh…yeah, sorry about that,' Chris said.  
  
Jill just shrugged and took a bite out of her pizza.  
  
'Hey Chris? The storms over and its only about eight thirty…. wanna go to the mall? I mean, I do need to pick up a new microwave considering I wont last the week without one.'  
  
Chris groaned.  
  
'As long as it's JUST popping in to get the microwave and then popping back out.'  
  
'Deal,' Jill snickered, 'oh and I guess we're taking my car?'  
  
'Quiet you,' Chris growled.  
  
  
  
Jill pulled into a parking spot at the busy mall. After they climbed out of the car and Jill put on her car alarm Chris entwined his hand in hers and led her to the mall door. He pulled it open and without a second thought allowed it to fly back…right into Jills face. Chris turned around only to see Jills face smushed against the glass.  
  
'Jill, quit fooling around,' he said, opening the door again and pulling Jill through the department with him. Jill was too pissed off to say anything, she had guessed that Chris AT LEAST had enough manners AND brains that you're supposed to hold a door open for a lady. Boy, how wrong she was.  
  
Jill was abruptly pulled out of her thoughts when Chris had shaken her arm madly.  
  
'Ohhh, Jill look! Look!' he yelled gleefully.  
  
'Huh? Wha?' Jill mumbled then looked to where Chris was pointing. She saw the newest entertainment center that had come in. A HUGE Sony big screen TV, surround sound, Sony DVD player and PS2 included in all. Jill looked back over at Chris, only to see a nice long string of saliva dangling from his mouth.  
  
'Charming,' she said and then suddenly felt herself being yanked over to the couch that was placed in front of the system.  
  
'Chris Hun, I'm going to go look at the microwaves…uh, you just sit here and look at the pretty colors ok?'  
  
Chris nodded mutely, his face almost resembling a zombie. Oh jeeze, that was a scary thought for Jill.  
  
  
  
After about half an hour of looking at numerous microwaves, Jill was still at a lost as to what one she should buy. She had found one, The Microsonic 3000, it was a little expensive but she figured, since Chris had demolished her old one, this one could come out of his wallet. Jill stood back, looking at The Microsonic as she placed her hand on her cheek.  
  
'May I help you miss?'  
  
Jill turned to see a snooty looking assistant. He looked her up and down, smiling and then flashed her one of the CHEESIEST grins Jill had ever seen. And she had seen many, but this one took the cake.  
  
'Uh no…I think I'm fine, thanks,' she said a little nervously.  
  
'Alright…just ah, give me a call if you need anything,' he said in his greasy voice then winked and walked off. Jill mentally shook; she hated creeps like that. It was also creeps like that that made her very thankful to have Chris. He really wasn't such a bad guy…  
  
'Hey Jill!'  
  
Jill smiled to herself and turned around to see a very happy Chris striding towards her. She really did love the big oaf. When he had stopped in front of her, Jill hugged him tightly and kissed him very, very passionately. Opening her eyes just to see that slimy mall clerk raising his nose arrogantly and walking off. Jill couldn't help but smile after she finished kissing Chris.  
  
'What's up babe?' she asked brightly. Chris was almost glowing with happiness and looked like an over excited puppy.  
  
'You know that awesome entertainment system I was checking out?'  
  
'Yeah?' Jill asked, dread slowly filling her.  
  
'I bought it!' Chris exclaimed happily.  
  
Jill just about fainted!  
  
'You what?!' she screamed, the whole store turning to look at them Chris' happiness suddenly shrunk to the size of a walnut and became regret.  
  
'You shouldn't have said anything, idiot!' he scolded himself.  
  
He then laughed nervously. Jill grabbed the collar of his shirt and pulled his face closer to hers.  
  
'Chris…honey, please don't tell me you just blew almost a thousand dollars on a entertainment system for yourself when you still owe me a microwave,' she said through clenched teeth, he anger fuming.  
  
Chris made some kind of a squeaking sound and then croaked a 'yes'.  
  
Jill's eyes shut tight and her fingers clawed as she insanely writhed around in anger. Suddenly she took a long, deep breath and, still holding Chris by the collar of his shirt, looked him in the eyes.  
  
'Now, Mr. Christopher Redfield, you are going to do your beautiful, talented girlfriend a BIG favour, ok? Hm, you understand?' she asked squeezing Chris' cheeks, talking as if she were speaking to a 2 year old…although, that wasn't too far off.  
  
'Yes,' he managed.  
  
'You are going to return that system and use the money you got back to buy me the Microsonic 3000,' she whispered and then let go of Chris' face and lightly smacked his cheek, 'now get going sweet thang.'  
  
Chris face dropped and he held out his hands pleadingly.  
  
'But…but, aw, please Jill! I'll still buy you that microwave! Please, let me keep it! I mean…if you're that mad…it can stay at your place! Yeah, that's right! You can keep the whole system at your place and give me your old TV and VCR! Please Jill!'  
  
Jill smiled to herself; Chris was so sweet…but oh so dumb sometimes.  
  
'Chris, you do realize what you just said right?'  
  
Chris blinked about three times then suddenly his eyes bulged in shock.  
  
'Aw, crap! I take it back! I'll buy you the microwave but the system stays with me!' he said desperately.  
  
'Nope,' Jill smirked, ' you already said I get it…you know Chris, you could still have it….'  
  
Chris' face suddenly looked like a stunned guppy.  
  
'What do you mean?'  
  
'Well, you could move in with me. BUT you have to do your share of the chores, AND help pay the bills,' Jill offered.  
  
'Done and done, now can we just buy this damn microwave, go pick up my system and go?' Chris moaned.  
  
'Why?' Jill asked, curious as to why he was so anxious to leave the mall.  
  
'Because malls are evil,' Chris said, looking around nervously.  
  
Jill rolled her eyes.  
  
'Chris, lollipops are evil to you,' she said, ignoring Chris'excuses of they get stuck in my hair and then she took Chris over to the check out line, making him lug the huge microwave. Jill was very unhappy to see her 'favorite' store clerk at the cash register.  
  
'That'll be two hundred and sixty three dollars, sir.'  
  
Chris mumbled some incomprehensible words, mostly angry mutterings and pulled out his Visa card. The snooty clerk swiped it and then handed it back to him, eyeing Jill as he did so.  
  
'You know sir you're extremely lucky to have that beautiful lady.'  
  
Chris stared at the clerk, his famous Redfield temper slowly starting to take over his body. He then looked over to see Jill slowly walking away, then stopping and waiting for him near the exit.  
  
'Although, I can't see why she's interested in you,' the store clerk said haughtily. Then before he could say anything more, Chris lunged over the counter and punched the guy in the face. After he had done that he quickly scrambled back up, picked up the microwave and ran out of the store, causing Jill to run after him.  
  
'Chris! Why are we running?' Jill huffed.  
  
'Don't ask questions, just run!' Chris called behind him.  
  
Finally they made it to their car, collapsing into the seats, their faces a little flushed. After a couple of minutes Jill turned to face Chris.  
  
'Why were you in such a rush to leave?'  
  
Chris looked down and fumbled with his hands. Jill then reached over and grabbed his chin gently, raising his head.  
  
'I ah…I punched the clerk in the face…' he confessed nervously, waiting in terror for Jill to explode at him. But instead he got the exact opposite; Jill had her arms around him and was covering his face in kisses.  
  
'Aw, thanks Chris!'  
  
Chris just sat back, confused as anything then grabbed the dash board as Jill sped out of the parking lot over to the pick up drive in. she handed the guy her card that had the tag number of their system on it. After a grueling hour of Chris INSISTING he could fit the whole thing in her car he finally decided he would get it delivered.  
  
'Chris, you're as thick as a sheet of ice,' Jill said but then kissed Chris on the cheek, ' and that's just the way I like you.'  
  
  
  
*A/N: well what do you think? Should I continue with another chapter? Thanks goes out to all of those who review, I'm especially pleased to see some of my favorite authors reviewing my fic! I never thought it would happen! Anyways, thanks for the support and sorry for the delay!  
  
Peace out! 


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